After a finishing one feature-Fringe Nightmares- another one immediately pops up. This time I have to compile the top 50 jokes of the fringe. It's a hit or miss affair with some that make you do a loud spluttering laughing sound. Whilst others that make you produce a sound similar to "Harumph!". In fact I was saying that loudly in the office. No wonder I was getting odd looks.
Below are my favourite ones.
"I got an odd job man in. He was useless. Gave him a list of 8 things to doand he only did numbers 1,3,5, and 7. Had to get an even man in to finish itoff." Stephen Grant, Gilded Balloon.
"Christmas’ were terrible, not like now-a-days when kids get everything. I remember one year I got a jumper that was 20% nylon 80% brillo pad! And my sister got a miniature set of perfumes called Ample, it was tiny, and even I could see where my dad had scrapped off the S” Stephen K Amos, Pleasance Courtyard
"The inspiration for my latest character first came to me 6 months agowhen I saw another comic doing exactly the same act." Simon Brodkin, Pleasance Courtyard
"I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat."
Marcus Brigstocke, Pleasance Courtyard
"To us, bird watching is harmless. To them it's just creepy."
Demetri Martin, Assembly Rooms
"My body has changed so much since I have been here. My stomach is fat from thefood and booze, my legs are skinny from walking up all the hills. I’ve decidedthat ET wasn’t from out of space, he was from Edinburgh!"
Wil Anderson, Smirnoff Underbelly
"I banged my floor on the head with joy."
Tim Brooke-Taylor,The Goodies, Assembly Rooms
"Couldn't they have made dyslexia easier to spell?"
Demetri Martin, Udderbelly
"We need a more moderate leader in Iran. Something like a mullah-lite"
Shappi Korsandi, Pleasance Courtyard
"I’m still making love at 71. Which is handy for me, 'cos I live at number 63"
Bernie Clifton, Udderbelly
"My girlfriends from Australia, she came over to live with me in England but she had to move back after a few months for Visa reasons - she'd maxed out my card"
Gordon Southern, The Gilded Balloon
"I'm a big fan of the band Franz Ferdinand though part of me would like to see them assassinated just to see what happens"
Glenn Wool, The Tron
And my own personal favourite........."I've got a DeLorean. The Police hate it. They pull meover, walk up to the car, I wind down the window and yell: "What year is this?!" They hate that"
Paul Kerensa, Smirnoff Underbelly
Below are my favourite ones.
"I got an odd job man in. He was useless. Gave him a list of 8 things to doand he only did numbers 1,3,5, and 7. Had to get an even man in to finish itoff." Stephen Grant, Gilded Balloon.
"Christmas’ were terrible, not like now-a-days when kids get everything. I remember one year I got a jumper that was 20% nylon 80% brillo pad! And my sister got a miniature set of perfumes called Ample, it was tiny, and even I could see where my dad had scrapped off the S” Stephen K Amos, Pleasance Courtyard
"The inspiration for my latest character first came to me 6 months agowhen I saw another comic doing exactly the same act." Simon Brodkin, Pleasance Courtyard
"I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat."
Marcus Brigstocke, Pleasance Courtyard
"To us, bird watching is harmless. To them it's just creepy."
Demetri Martin, Assembly Rooms
"My body has changed so much since I have been here. My stomach is fat from thefood and booze, my legs are skinny from walking up all the hills. I’ve decidedthat ET wasn’t from out of space, he was from Edinburgh!"
Wil Anderson, Smirnoff Underbelly
"I banged my floor on the head with joy."
Tim Brooke-Taylor,The Goodies, Assembly Rooms
"Couldn't they have made dyslexia easier to spell?"
Demetri Martin, Udderbelly
"We need a more moderate leader in Iran. Something like a mullah-lite"
Shappi Korsandi, Pleasance Courtyard
"I’m still making love at 71. Which is handy for me, 'cos I live at number 63"
Bernie Clifton, Udderbelly
"My girlfriends from Australia, she came over to live with me in England but she had to move back after a few months for Visa reasons - she'd maxed out my card"
Gordon Southern, The Gilded Balloon
"I'm a big fan of the band Franz Ferdinand though part of me would like to see them assassinated just to see what happens"
Glenn Wool, The Tron
And my own personal favourite........."I've got a DeLorean. The Police hate it. They pull meover, walk up to the car, I wind down the window and yell: "What year is this?!" They hate that"
Paul Kerensa, Smirnoff Underbelly
posted by Sam Holtmon at 6:33 AM
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